Hello. I'm Special.

when she spoke these words to me,
my breath shortened,
my chest was pounding,
my cheeks felt hot.

when she spoke these words to me,
i turned my back to her
turned back
but averted my eyes
so i wouldn’t meet hers.

when she spoke these words to me,
i bit my lip
i opened my mouth slightly
but only a low groan came out from my chest.

embarrassed, i covered my mouth
and mumbled “i love you, too”

to be continued or not?

… her breath was warm, it made my whole body shiver. she whispered in my ear, ” i’ll make you addicted to me”. i lost it. and with that, a blur followed…

so today my grandmother, aka masterchief, screamed to me that she doesn’t like me. i went out about 3-4 times in a row. and apparently, no one can just call me to know where i am currently, i have to report to masterchief and mother about before, while, and after. hmmm… well, one, i know this is simply an outburst which will die down over time. and two, she is old and has the deserved right to be worried and overreact over her eldest granddaughter. i did attempt to apologize, don’t get me wrong. but i think after this little burst of rage and disappointment (and worry) that i leave her to cool down and accept whatever she tells me. which were those very words of “i don’t like you.” should it bother me that i take this so well? or should i be grateful that the little dramas that pop up in my life has shapened my mentality to what it is? i think, way in the back of my head, i am worrying a bit for myself. what kind of 18 year old am i? shouldn’t i be locked up in my room, bitching about this to my friends? isn’t that what any average teen would do? i like who i am but sometimes, who i think i am worries me.

sincerely,

“the pressure and pressured”

… i have lost myself, for a moment.

and i hate it. i can’t breathe nor can i think straight. the water filling my eyes are pissing me off. no matter how much i try not to scratch the sting just won’t go away. when i scratch, the annoyance remains. omgosh, im about to shoot myself in the head.

right now, im feeling pangs of guilt, stabs of that feeling, and lots and lots of rage. this is sprinkled with annoyance and questioning. i won’t deny that i can still hear the echoes of laughter in my memory.

the last action i did for the night makes me feel somewhat regretful…why’d i do that?

PS. the great creator jus wanted to piss me off by making me allergic to cats. fuckkk